3 Easy ways to build self-esteem

Everyone loves to have a good one. No one knows where to get it from. There is no quick pill to a better self-image. It is a slow and deliberate process. If you are looking for a short cut use it along with some snake oil and see if ti works faster.

All jokes aside, I have seen the effect of low self-esteem on people and it is not a pretty picture.

So how do you improve it?

Simple Answer: You need to recondition your mind to look at the good internal images and stay away from your ‘bad’ internal images.existing internal images. So every time you peek inside you only see the bright and happy self.

Understandable right?

But how do you do it in the real world?  Here are a few tried and tested techniques to improve your self-esteem.

Visualise yourself brimming with confidence.

Practice makes you a perfect man. Visualising the desired outcome is one of the most effective ways of building self-esteem. Almost all top athletes mentally see themselves succeeding much before their grand success in the outside world.So take a few minutes every day and visualise yourself as a successful man/woman. Get into nitty gritty details about what you are wearing, where you are and what you see around you. Do this once or twice daily.

Identify and Build on your Existing Strength

If you have a hobby or a sport that you enjoy, relish the moments you spend in that sport. Sitting on your couch and watching TV is not considered as a hobby. You need to do something physical. Relish and savour the moments that you enjoy this activity. The more you enjoy yourself the better. Begin to notice how good you feel about yourself.  The more you notice, the better you feel.

Watch your self-talk.

Self-talk is the chatter happens inside your mind. Self-talk usually starts when you are making a decision or when your brain is distracted. Some people engage in self-talk immediately after taking a decision. In any case, the foremost step is to become aware of what you say to yourself. Surprisingly, most people beat themselves up in that chat.

When you are not a good friend to yourself, how can you expect others to be so?

Notice how you speak to yourself and if it is negative, stop dead on your track and willfully change that thought. It will be hard in the beginning.It will take some time and effort but yields the best results.

Instead of telling yourself “you screwed up that last test”,  try telling “you could have done better in that test and here is how….”

And here is the funny part… it does not matter what you put after the “here is how…” This works and works wonders because instead of ending the conversation on a negative note you are redirecting your brain to search for ways to improve.  Can you imagine how effective this will be?


One last thing.

It is not necessary to know a hundred techniques to get good at this. Learn a few and master them. Do not spend time analysing. Get started today and keep using one of the techniques every day and notice how much you change over a period of time.

The Discontent of the disconnected

Picture this, Four friends are sitting and talking, having a jolly good time when Rakesh gets ‘whatsapped’. He quickly reads and replies to it. The others taunt him for a while and then continue the conversation. Although Rakesh joins back in the conversation, half his mind is still on the message he sent.

A couple of minutes later Rakesh gets another message and he urges everyone to give him a few seconds while he replies. While the silence sets in, Tony and Ajeya look at their phones to see if they are missing anything and find a few forwards to read. After all, everyone wants to show they are busy they are connected and involved with other things. Ten minutes later almost everyone is on the phone and except for an occasional laughter or a sneeze, a deathly silence sets in the group.

What happened here?

How did a fun group become so silent in such a  short time?

The need to stay connected with all of your friends, the need to be wanted on the digital, has taken over the connections in real life.

Let me explain.

Today more folks are talking to people with zeros and ones(digital) than in real life.Yes, it is convenient, easy and inexpensive, but is also impersonal, bland, completely disconnected.  I have over 600 hundred friends across the globe and I get to see what is happening in their life, I ‘feel’ connected to them. Your story may not be much different.And there lies the problem for you and I.

Humans are emotional machines, they shift from one emotion to another, gradually, something that I  refer to as ‘Analog behaviour’. Humans are not digital, they cannot switch emotions on and off. But this is precisely the habit they are getting into. In the name of staying connected, they disconnect from their immediate surroundings.And find solace in the company of someone far away using the digital means. Slowly they lose the sense of even being connected.

In this day and age, your connections are measured in the number of messages you get, the number of photos you share and the likes you receive for them, rather than the twinkle in the eye of the person you spoke with, the deep sense of satisfaction you get when you connect with someone at a human level.

In the name of being hurt or rejected we often tend to use the digital. Rejections are less painful when you do not have to face the person who rejected you. It is less painful when nobody pays attention to your messages in a WhatsApp group chat than in a real life group chat

Too many people are yearning for that human connection, yet do too little to get started in connecting. We all are prone to inertia and the lethargy has set in. The newest of all reasons is that nobody wants to stand out in the crowd.

What should we do?

Break the lethargy and inertia.

Stop texting, call that person instead. And instead of talking to ten people on WhatsApp, go meet a friend,  spend an evening just shooting the breeze and rediscover how wonderful it is to connect with another human being the old way…..


How to feel Good?

I’ve got a question for  you, where are you feeling the greatest amount pleasure, right now? Where in your body do you feel it?

95% of the time I have asked this question, I get a blank stare.

But when I ask where do you feel pain? the answer is almost always instantaneous.

For far too long now our body has been conditioned to recognise pain more than pleasure.

Right from our childhood, we are trained by marking our mistakes in red while the good things go unnoticed on our exam papers. Our parents would scold or even whoop us well when we do something wrong.Bad behaviour was noticed and reprimanded faster than good behaviour was acknowledged. This conditioning spreads into other areas of our lives gradually. So much so that we are often in the race to ”Not make mistakes”  than to do good due to the repercussions that follow mistakes.

How does this impact us?

When I ask someone what would you like to do in a session, they typically tend to say ” I don’t want to ….”.

Our whole life we have been programmed to walk away from painful issues and mistakes.I certainly do not mean to guide you towards pain. But this walking away from pain does not necessarily mean walking towards pleasure. and this is what we are aiming to accomplish.

Using NLP you will not only walk away from pain, but walk towards pleasure.

So the next time if I ask you where in your body are you feeling the greatest pleasure right now, you will have an answer.

To learn how to tune into your body and mind towards pleasure. Book your NLP session today.